Today, I discovered that my best friend is gay by logging into his browser. Basically the problem is not his sexuality, but it is married to my sister and looking forward their second child. SOL

Ayer, estaba en casa de una amiga mientras que ella se arreglaba, me dijo que escogiera una colonia. Escogí una, pero me dijo: "No, esa no, que echa un pestazo que te cagas". Se la regalé yo. SOL

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." SOL

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. SOL

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. SOL

Today, my parents asked me money to go out .SOL

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' SOL

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. SOL

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". SOL

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." S.O.L

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. S.O.L

Today, my house is full of people. Everyone is watching Barça-Madrid.My grandmother is celebrating its 93 birthday alone. S.O.L

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. S.O.L

Today, I realise that I am sterile and i have been all my life. I have three kids. S.O.L